Mate Feed Kill Repeat
by PureSaberHeart
Summary: Life feeds on life.
1. Daddy

Daddy

_**Mother, Please forgive me**_

_**I just had to get out all my pain and suffering**_

_**Now that I am done, remember I will always love you**_

_**I'm your son**_

It happened. That's all there was too it. He had to accept that. Nothing was going to undo the events that took place the night before. Nothing was going to erase his mind of the images. The sounds. The feelings. They were all there. And now he'll have to live with those memories for the rest of his life.

Diego, the young saber who had his childhood taken from him, didn't see it wise to go back home to his family that night. Instead, he found a hollow log that he decided to stay in for the night. He just couldn't face his family with the state of mind that he was in. He knew that they would be asking him where he's been all day.

_'Outside, socializing, like you told me.'_

And it was that one time. The one time he listened and actually stepped outside the den. His parents were always on his case, telling him that the way he lived wasn't normal and that he had to be like everyone else.

_'Who'd have thought this would be the cost for it.'_

He only curled up in a ball as he laid there in the surprisingly comfortable fallen tree. He could only assume that it was because he was alone. Secluded by himself. That feeling of sanctuary. Despite the wet, filthy leaves that coated the floor of the tree, the moss that dangled down from above, it truly was one of the most relaxing moments of his life, even if, just minutes ago, those disturbing memories took place.

Any other night, he could have rested just about anywhere and call it sanctuary. However, this night proved to be rather violent in terms of hard rain, strong winds, and loud thunder. Beneficially, the inside of the tree proved to be rather warm, perhaps warmer than his own den. He had also remembered passing the tree on multiple occasions back in his cub days. Being there for all these years had it cemented to the ground, making the worries of the strong winds blowing it away obsolete.

While he lied there, curled up for his own comfort, he started shivering. Not from the occasional breeze of the strong wind that would slightly seep into the tree, but from the events that just took place. He couldn't stop himself as he started bawling his eyes out, trying to understand why his life was like this and why he was born the way he was.

"Why did it happen? Why? Why did she do it?" Asking himself these questions only made him cry and whimper more so as did the skies above him.

He was starting to hyperventilate as he held his paws to his face and his knees against his stomach. His cries quickly turned into screams as he could think of nothing but the inevitable. There was no undoing this. There was no fixing this. He was well aware for a long time that he could never be fixed. He could never restore his sanity.

_'Anyone else would lose their shit dealing with HALF the things I've dealt with.'_

Truthfully, he was aware for a long time that there was something wrong with him. Every other saber-toothed tiger his age adapted to life at a much faster rate than him. From what the golden pelted saber saw, he was the only outcast. He never wanted to leave the den, go outside and do god-knows-what with the others. There really wasn't any explanation to why he was like this. But after the events of that night, he would give anything to be his old self again. But that side of him was dead. It was stripped from him during the hours of those disturbing moments. At 12 years of age.

His lower half still ached from what happened. He couldn't stop shivering. He felt like he was going to pass out by just thinking about it. His pelt having puddles of blood stained into it, bruises giving minor pain throughout his body. Even with the heavy rain outside upon arriving at the dead tree, the stains didn't seem to wash off. He just felt so dirty. So guilty. Almost like he deserved what happened earlier. Even if he couldn't understand why, he couldn't stop from convincing himself that this was all his fault. It was his fault for listening to his parents for once. It was his fault for being so awkward around the others. He didn't know what the hell was wrong with him.

All the laughing and gossip that he heard from the others, that was perhaps the one reason why he never went outside.

The assumptions they'd make, the bullshit they'd come up with.

_'What did I do?! What did I do to deserve all of this?! Just stop fucking with me you sick fucks!'_

One of the most painful things that he's heard them talk about was a debate on whether he was gay or not. He overheard it one night when he woke up to go to the bathroom. Talking about how he never talked and never made eye contact with anyone. Apparently, those were "signs" of being gay.

That happened four months ago. During the time, he often did reality checks, trying to find the truth and the lies in all of this.

_'They probably know better than me. Everyone does. If they think I'm gay, I probably am.'_

Only he didn't believe it, or, at least that's what he's been telling himself. He honestly didn't know what he was anymore. They've all corrupted his thinking.

_'I'm not gay. I'm not straight. I guess I'm just a faggot.'_

Since then, that's what he's referred to himself as. Nothing else would add up.

Despite what he saw himself as, it wouldn't have made a difference. What happened to him. It would've ended him up in the same state of mind.

After he was rather forcefully shoved out of the den early that day, he was already not looking forward to what the day held.

Walking that small distance from his den to where all the sabers hung out felt like hours while in reality was only a matter of minutes.

His heart already pumping violently at the thought of what everyone else would do when he shows up. He could all too easily picture the looks they would all give him.

_'What the fuck should I even say?!'_

It should have occurred to him earlier that he didn't HAVE to see the other sabers. He could have easily went out and do his own thing for a few hours.

Unfortunately, when the idea did cross his mind, it was already too late. While his mind was off in some other place, he wasn't aware that he was subconsciously heading towards his original destination.

As he got closer, he could hear the rushing rapids that the other sabers met up by. As he passed the few remaining trees that outlined the watering whole, he could see the river had dozens of small rock formations that they would all perch themselves on top of.

There were around fifteen of them, some sat upon the pillars while others were laying down in the hot grass below. They all had different preferences, but one thing remained the same: the look that they all gave him.

_'Not much different from what I do all day, but alright.'_

He could only smirk at himself for that smart ass remark. Still, truth be told.

Unfortunately, he didn't do a great job hiding his smile as one of the sabers noticed and began to climb down the pillar he was on. While he was, Diego noticed different sabers whispering to one another.

_'Can't say anything to my face?'_

He never lost the smirk he had as two other sabers began to walk towards him as well.

'_What the fuck do they expect from me?'_

All three sabers seemed around seventeen years of age. It definitely didn't boost Diego's confidence for the situation, as if he had any to begin with. Most of the sabers were older than him, as if that even meant anything. The way Diego saw it, every saber was older than him. They all acted older. They all knew more than him. They all had more hurtful words to say to him than he ever could.

"Still not saying anything?" The first thing one of them said.

_'Fuck you, too.'_

Right there, Diego wanted to walk away and leave. He wanted to just pretend like he was never there, and hope that none of them tried to stop him from leaving. It seemed so easy. It always did.

_ 'But it isn't.'_

There was no way in hell his instincts were going to submit that easily. Any living thing with a brain knew that. If that were the case, Diego knew he wouldn't be getting himself into situations like these.

No, instead he could do nothing but lower his head and stare at the ground below him and scan the details. He tried zoning out. Pretend like nothing was there. Clearing his thoughts and emptying his head.

_'Don't make eye contact, whatever you do.'_

His whole body started tensing up. He was so irritated at himself for showing up in the first place. As if he WANTED to cause a scene.

_'It hasn't happened yet.'_

And that was subject to change. It was always just a matter of time. The insults getting more and more painful. The option of walking away becoming more and more obsolete.

"You know how irritating it is for us when you don't say anything?" The middle saber said, a smirk appearing on his face.

_'Can't be anywhere near as irritated as I am if you don't shut the fuck up.'_

Just this once, Diego would give anything to allow himself to completely snap and drag this saber to the ground. Only, it wouldn't look good on his part. He saw the chances of him winning a fight with anyone to be zero to none. He never got out and did anything, resulting in his unhealthy thoughts and awkward social skills.

_'Like, seriously, what the fuck am I suppose to say?'_

Only then did he start to accept the pain and let his eyes leak out. His mind started to rapidly go through past events and tried to evaluate what had caused him to fall into this darkest hour of his life. He kept his head lowered more so, not wanting any of them to see how _"pathetic"_ he really was.

"Are you seriously going to cry?" The saber continued to tease over everything Diego did. One of the other sabers beside him quietly laughed at his remark.

_'Fuck...You.'_

He thought this as if it were all he could think. He always hated how everyone else could think up simple, yet effective comebacks while it was always fuck this and fuck that with him. It made him feel like he had no reason to be acting like he was.

So rapidly, he started thinking of ways to go about all this. Did he want to do anything? Was he going to continue to stand there and say nothing?

_'First, I'm gonna rip your lips off. Then... I'm gonna... gouge your eyes out.. Then... I'm gonna tear your arms out of your sockets. Yes... that's what I'm gonna do. And then I'm gonna hit you, and your gonna fall. And I'm gonna look down... and I'm gonna laugh.'_

If only it were that easy. If only he had done it. It might have prevented the seemingly inevitable. Or even easier, he could have just walked away, having his fur stand on end as he'd hear them mock him on his way back into the forest and back to the den.

It would have made things easier.

Yet, that was always a problem that Diego saw himself with. All the choices he made in his life. The majority of them became mistakes. What ever felt right to him ended up being wrong in the end.

_'I would love for that to change. But it's obvious. It's not going to.'_

To his own unawareness, his next choice proved to be his most critical.

"Hey." A female saber who was laying in the warm grass had walked over while Diego had his head down. She looked to be around 15 years of age.

"Hey, kid. How's about you come with me?" She asked with a smile appearing on her. Yet, there was something about the way she smiled that Diego found unusual. He just didn't know what that something was.

Silence spread around the forest. Diego could only lower his head, shut his eyes, tighten his muscles and clamp his jaws. He wanted out of this. He was almost willing to do anything. Almost anything.

"Get him out of here." The middle saber said almost immediately after. Diego's mind felt so narrow at that moment, that he didn't even second think anything before he started turning around and following this saber back into the forest. As he did, he stopped for a moment and turned his head to see the three sabers heading back to the falls.

"The kid's fucked up, I swear." He could have sworn he heard one of them say. It just keeps getting more and more painful for him. He stood there for a bit, once again questioning why he existed.

_'Am I not suppose to be here?'_

He couldn't help but wonder.

"You coming or what?" His ears perked up as he was brought back into reality. He looked back behind him to see her looking back at him too. He really didn't know what he was going to do. It just seemed kind of weird how she said things. His parents had told him to never go anywhere with strangers, but this seemed okay. She was part of the same pack. He's seen her with the group of adolescents on countless occasions.

_'I could go with her. It couldn't hurt, but... I don't know. Maybe I should just head back to the den.'_

If only he did.

_'But... the way she's been telling me to follow her... I just think that... maybe... she cares about me?'_

His curiosity got the best of him as he found himself following her through the dense forest. Minutes go by before she finally says something.

"You okay?"

Diego had never heard anything so heartwarming in his entire life. This saber really must have some concern for him. But why?

"I'm fine"

_'I'm dying.'_

Pushing that thought away, Diego caught up beside her as they progressed further to where ever it was they were going.

"Where are we going, anyway?" He looked up at her and asked. He was actually surprised that he was able to say anything to her. He wasn't talking before, but it was obvious why he wasn't.

"Oh, I have some place in mind."

The way she said it almost made it sound like a good thing.

_'Just get yourself out of this! It's not that hard!'_

He almost felt like turning around and hauling ass out of there. It was so simple. He knew his way back. He had no excuse not to. It would've been the smart thing to. So, of course he didn't do it.

_'Give her an excuse! If you don't want to look like a fucking dick, have a reason for leaving! Do something for fuck's sake!'_

Like any other given situation, he always found himself kicking at himself in debate on what to do.

_'I never make the right choices. In the end, the consequences always come back to get me.'_

Multiple times he wanted to open his mouth. He wanted to say something. The moment he was about to, his mind changed decisions.

Even if he were to have found the strength to get out of this situation at that moment, it wouldn't have made a difference. The forest around him seemed to look less appealing as the minutes progressed. Though it was broad daylight, he couldn't help but notice the area around him was becoming darker and darker. Trees started losing their leaves and their color. The ground below him started feeling wet and soggy. Moss started infesting anything it could find. A dense fog began to emerge through out the forest.

Diego used all of his willpower to stop himself from progressing any further. Soon after, she turned her head and saw him standing there.

_ "_You sure you're okay?" She asked, almost in a frustrated way.

_ 'It wouldn't surprise me. No one can put up with me for too long.'_

_ "_I-I think I should... just head back." He finally managed to say.

She walked back to him, seeming like she really didn't want him to leave.

_ 'But why?'_

As she approached him, he started to back up as well, wanting to keep his distance. There was something about this saber, or this whole situation for that matter, that he just didn't like.

"Come on, I'll take care of you. I promise. Don't be shy."

It amazed Diego how much she seemed to care about him and how easily she convinced him that everything was fine. He had nothing to worry about. Yet, that's how he let his guard down. He should have known that nothing was "_okay"_. When has anything been _"okay"_?

"But... like, I mean... why are we going out so far?"

He figured that they must have been a couple miles away from where the pack resided.

"I just figured you needed some place quiet to relax and think."

Every answer she gave made it seem less and less worrisome. Yet, the back of his mind still told him to not give into this.

"You know, Diego..." She began, getting uncomfortably close to him.

_'What is she doing? Something's not right here...'_

He wanted to back up, but he was just now aware that there was an uprising sitting just behind him. He couldn't back up. He knew that he had to say something. He had to say something now.

"L-look... I just... really... want to go home."

"Diego..."

Once again, he found himself tilting his head to look at the ground below him. He felt so confused. He felt so scared. He wasn't sure what was going on. All he could feel was her presence drawing in closer until her lips where up against his ear.

"I'm going to take good care of you." She whispered, followed by a long wet lick up his cheek.

His whole body shuddered. His legs began to shake. He was finding it difficult to breathe.

"W-what are you..."

"Just lay down. Trust me..."

_**Little child, looking so pretty. Come out and play. I'll be your daddy. Innocent child, looking so sweet. A rape in my eyes and on your flesh I'll eat.**_

Diego only continued to shake uncontrollably as she pressed her paw down on his back, somewhat forcefully making him lie down. He tried inching away from her, having his back nearly sink into the wall behind him. He shut his eyes tight as he felt her begin to grab at his hind legs, occasionally stroking at them.

He attempted curling up in a ball. He tried pushing her away with what little strength he possessed. He felt his body stiffen. His throat began to choke up. He started breathing heavily. It wasn't long before he started whimpering with his eyes becoming wet.

"Now..." She started as she grabbed Diego by the cheeks with one paw and pulled him face to face with her.

"W-why?! Why, why, why?!" He only cried over and over again.

"We can do this the hard way or the easy way. You're choice." She said as she fought Diego who was trying to yank his head out of her grip, but to no avail. His head was a burning red color as his pours started screaming. He almost felt light headed. He almost wished he was.

Her grip on him only became tighter and tighter, his jaws beginning to ache from the pressure.

"If you start misbehaving, it's gonna get worse." She threatened, looking him dead in the eyes. He only whimpered in response due to both fear and pain. He didn't know what to think. He didn't know what to say. He sure as fuck didn't know what to do.

So suddenly, she yanked his head to the ground. What happened next were some of his last memories of that horror. She continually beat his head with her other paw, often lifting his head up only to slam it back into the ground.

The blood could soon be tasted. The blurry visions came into place. He tried kicking, screaming, anything. Nothing worked. She was much stronger than he was.

The pain. The excruciating pain. He truly thought that he was going to die.

"I just want to go home!" He bawled out.

"You're not going anywhere!"

"Why?! Why are you doing this?! What did I even do?!" He cried in between every word.

The mossy mud below him was smeared onto his face as it kept colliding with it.

"You're fucking pathetic is what you are!" She yanked his face back up to her and yelled.

Those words proved to be more painful than any physical suffering ever could. For the shortest of time, he thought that he was actually cared about. Having his expectations raised so quickly and then dropped just as fast destroyed him on the inside.

Diego was laying right over a field of green vines. She noticed them and started pulling them out of the ground.

"Fine. If you're not gonna sit still, I'm just gonna have to force you to."

She started by yanking Diego's front legs behind him. She begins using the vines to wrap his paws together. It ended up being so tight, that it was cutting off the blood flow through his paws.

"You fucking bitch." Diego whimpered quietly. He only got his head slammed into the ground once again in response from her.

She did the same thing to his hind legs and finished by tying his mouth shut.

He didn't try moving. He didn't try pulling free from his prison. He didn't try anything. His mind started convincing him that this was all his fault and that he was getting what he deserved.

_'For being a total fuck bag.'_

It was just becoming night time as the worst of the situation begun.

She started by lying right behind him and pulling him into her warmth. Diego had never felt his heart pound as hard as it was at that moment. He tried taking deep breaths, but the vines around his mouth were also interfering with his nose, making it harder to breath.

"I want my mommy. I don't... I don't want this. I don't want this."

She started stroking his cheeks, noticing that he had tears running down them.

"It's alright. Just be quiet. I promise. It'll be alright." She whispered as she brought her lips right up to his ear.

"I... need to do this."

_**It's alright.**_

He had no clue what she meant by that. But judging by what happened next, it wasn't a good thing.

She reached a paw over him and caused him to shudder uncontrollably. She started playing with his privates. Feeling this only made him cry even harder than before. He started tensing up in every area of his body. He tried clamping his knees together and curling himself up to make her stop, but this proved to be futile.

She got up and came around to the front of him. She clamped her jaws on his feet and started dragging him. She took him up against a tree and fought his legs to spread them out.

"You gonna keep fighting with me?!" She yelled, seeming to lose patience.

"Fuck you! You fucking bitch!" He tried yelling through his sown together mouth.

He soon regretted what he said, because she reached under him and grabbed his privates again. She then started tightening her grip on them, creating an incredibly painful experience for Diego.

"Stop! Fucking stop! I'm sorry! Stop! Please fucking stop!" He begged out of his own pain. At that moment, he truly wanted to die. He didn't want to go on knowing that this happened to him. He didn't want to wake up everyday just to recall these disturbing moments.

"You gonna behave?!" She yelled in her face, continually tightening her grip.

"Yes! Just fucking stop! Please!" He continued to beg.

No sooner did she release her grip on him.

He started panting and wheezing heavily. He choked on his own saliva. His eyes were burning from his tears. His nose became clogged up.

She yanked the vine from his mouth away and grabbed his face again.

His mouth only trembled as he was left staring into her eyes.

"Please. Let me go. I... I won't t-tell anyone." He just then realized how pathetic he sounded, as if it were completely new to him. He was desperate at this point.

He suddenly felt her rub her paw against his stomach, slowly traveling her way down. He didn't try fighting back this time. All he could do was look away and close his eyes as he let the remainder of the night change who he was.

_**You've raped! I feel dirty. It hurt as a child. Tied down! That's a good boy. And you fucked! I scream but no one hears me. It hurt! I'm not a liar. My god, I saw you watching. Mommy, why?!**_

He never got an answer to why this all happened and felt like he might not ever. Maybe he didn't deserve an answer, just like he didn't deserve to be happy. Honestly, he didn't want to put any more thought into this than he already did. Yet, he knew that everyday, he'd wake up, knowing that his life was fucked.

Days kept passing since then. Everyday he woke up with nothing but the thoughts of suicide on his mind. He lived with it. He lived through it. It would go on for the next seven years. It took a few months before he found the strength to tell his parents about the incident. Yet, as expected, they didn't believe him. They knew how pathetic and selfish he was. They figured that he was just looking for attention. He didn't try pushing it any further than that.

For the next seven years, he hardly ate, he hardly slept. He never went outside. His parents eventually just stopped caring about the way he was living.

His mind kept telling him everyday that he did this to himself. No one else was to blame and be put at fault.

_**I fucking hate you! Mother fucker! Mother fucker! I fucking hate you! Fuck you! You son of a bitch! You fucking ruined my life! I wanted to die! I'm sick of it, mother fucker... Why'd you fucking do it to me? I hate you! I fucking hate you! I hate you! Why?! I Hate you!**_


	2. Scissors

Scissors

__**I play doctor for five minutes flat**__

__**Before I cut my heart open and let the air out**__

__**Three bugs, a pound of dust, some wind spilled over me**__

__**In the strangest manner that had broke away my tear spout**__

__Seven Years Later___..._

__This feeling is like a pulse. Your insides are their only fucking retreat. Your fist is like a magnet for the troubles you hate. And the whole time you wonder: How the fuck did I get here?__

He didn't feel like himself that very next night. Something within him made him feel like he had just been born. As if the little amount of things he understood then were just suddenly decimated. He now understood less than before. Everything felt so backwards for him. It was almost like he would eventually be unborn.

__ Your whole life is like a razor to your lips. Like a knife through your fucking veins. It's like a broken bottle held to your temple. Like a gun to your fucking head. You wake up. Your insides twist. Your stomach hurts. Your eyes bulge. You can't move. You're caught in it. You live in it. You can live through it. The only way through is through the pain.__

**_** The only way through is through the pain.**_**

He felt like there were two sides to him at that moment. One side of him wasn't exactly sure why he was feeling this way. The other side didn't seem to realize it at all. It was almost like he had two minds fighting against each other.

__ Like a bite. Like a scream you fucking hold down. Your eyes show the need that you don't fucking feel inside and that you would never show to another fucking being. Your scales are tipping. Your mind is flipping. You can't fucking break, you can't fucking see. The only way out is through the pain.__

He was well aware of how different his life has been compared to everyone else. Or maybe, no one else realized the lies that they've been living in and submitting to. Why didn't anyone else see the darker sides of this world? Why wasn't anyone else dwelling within the same pain? He wanted answers. He wanted there to be sense. He wanted something. He needed something.

**_**You want it. You need it.**_**

__ Every day and every night, you sit with your head on fire and your insides pulled out. And you wonder: What the fuck did I do to deserve this?! What do I fucking do to live through this?! How the fuck did I get this?! Why am I fucking blessed with this?! How much fucking pain do I need?! How the hell do I get out?!__

What happened ten years ago. That night when he was molested physically, sexually and mentally. His throat began to dry out just thinking about it as his eighteen year old self. The visions of it in his dreams only seemed to arise more horrific as his years progressed. His life sat at the edge of confrontation. To finally just eliminate all the problems that he'd seen.

**_** The only way out is through the pain.**_**

**_** Your only way out is through the pain.**_**

But those ten added years since never prepared him for the trials he was to uphold. His own blood, his own flesh, his own mentality, they would soon slip out of his own reach. His thoughts first looked towards these philosophies as he entered the cave for the night, taking in the smell of decay.

His vision wouldn't allow him to see past the empty darkness. Normally, there would be a fire set up each and every night since he was born. Not tonight, however, and it was only for a few seconds more before he started piecing the puzzle together.

He began to walk slowly into the cave, not wanting to get an answer to this unbearable smell, yet knowing that there was no point to not finding out. He would've eventually.

The sound of infestation buzzing and squeaking drew a shiver down his spine. Yet, he hardly felt any consideration in him. The past ten years have been dull, ordinary and colorless with nothing to say about them. Nothing happened. Nothing changed. Nothing's right. No one cared. His life became like a dead corpse on a spit, spinning for the remainder of eternity, just wanting it to stop. Everything felt too late for him. No matter what path he tries to create for himself, it'll get him nowhere because someone else has sure as hell already done it. Everything's been claimed. Everything's been done. He had to accept the fact that he didn't stand a chance in this world.

'__Everyone else gets to live the way they want to, so why can't I?'__

His thoughts only lasted for that one sentence before he felt himself trip over something.

Or someone.

He topples over, feeling dazed from not only the fall, but for the life that he's been given. He wipes the dirt that got on to his mouth and face as he stood back up, looking behind him to see what it was that he tripped over.

He knew that he had felt the familiar touch of fur as he stumbled over. He only caught a glimpse of them as the lightning outside flashed the cave open for that quarter of a second.

His heart nearly ignored a beat. Not from the lightning, but from what the thunder revealed. Before, he could see his parents both lying next to each other. He only assumed that they were just sleeping. Nothing too out of the ordinary. Yet, he still didn't understand why the place smelt so bad.

Then the lightning hit, and it all made sense. That glimpse that he was privileged to see. His mind wanted to hide the image. It didn't want to remember. Yet, the saying goes, what has been seen cannot be unseen. No matter how hard he tried, he choked to believe it.

His heart began to ache as he took in the smell that just then made all too much sense. Yet, how this all happened. That didn't make sense and might not ever. His whole body trembled with feelings and emotions that not even that incident ten years ago made him feel. That was when he was still blind, still resisting to accept the world he lived in. He was then just a cub. Now, his viewpoints and philosophies have changed over the past ten years of intercourse. He saw things differently than he did ten years ago. But everyone did. That's how everyone is. But the fact that this kind of shit only happens to him made him turn his questioning and reasoning in a different direction. A more gutted up and rusty direction.

Each lightning flash only added to the unforgettable image that became more and more easy to picture. They lay down on their backsides with their chests towards the ceiling of the cave. Their chests were both gutted open, showing the snapped rib cages, each end with slivers of flesh still intact with. The blood had dried up throughout the cave, becoming crusty in some areas and sticky in others.

_**It's hard to stay between the lines of skin. Just because I have nerves doesn't mean that I can feel. I wasn't very much fun to be with anyway. Just let the blood run red, cause I can't feel.**_

Diego's vision was becoming blurry. His head began to tip from side to side. He was losing his balance. His heart did nothing but speed up the more he thought about it. His eyes were near the point where all of the sadness was leaked out. His throat began to dry up. His nose started to feel clogged. His limbs shook. His teeth chattered. His mouth trembled. And here he was trying to convince himself, like everything, it was all in his head.

'__It's all in your head.'__

'__It's all in my head'__

'__It's all in your head'__

So suddenly, he felt the sickness build up inside him. It was only seconds later before he felt light headed with a high pitched sound coming through his ears. He only fought it back three times before he gave in and let the disgust flow out of his mouth. He kept his head lowered, preventing himself from passing out.

He had enough of what was seen before him. He had enough of what he had been living with every day. What he's had to live through. Nothing ever appealed to him. No one ever felt like him. He was just too busy being calm to disappear from this world. He was in no shape to be alone anymore, though contrary to the shit that people kept telling him.

'__This world is not for the living. This world is for the dead.'__

The strange part, though, was that he only felt a sense of loss and hopelessness when he first drew witness to the catastrophe before him. Though the feelings got to him, he never cried. He tore up on the inside, but he never cried. He had tears flow down him, but he never cried. He never did develop a healthy relation with his parents. At least not what one would call a healthy relation. Of course, he knew that he was born for the soul purpose of reproducing.

'__And it's pathetic.'__

Yet, that still didn't give away the idea that he wanted to be with someone. He's wanted that for a long time now. Granted, he wasn't like every other saber that would be willing to fuck everything they came across. Even though what happened ten years ago may have scarred him for life and may never make him yearn for a day that he would want to be with someone, it didn't. He didn't want to grieve for himself, because he knew that he had to be ready for the unexpected.

What he did know was that he needed to get away from all of this. If it meant to wonder as far away from this place and die from hunger, then so be it. He wasn't sure how this all happened. Why his parents were split open like they were. Why it happened. How it happened. But maybe it was better left that way. It was times like this that he was glad that he never became too attached to his parent. To him, maybe it's all for the better, as fucked up as that might sound. It was just his heartache and their pair of scissors.

_ **Biding my time until the time is right. Biding my time until the time is right. Biding my time until the time is right. Biding my time. It's time.**_


	3. Gently

Gently

__**Gently, my mind escapes into the relaxing mode of pleasure**__

__**A pleasure that will take my mind off the reality of life**__

__**My past life**__

__**Life as I know it now**__

He was left speechless. He honestly didn't know what to think. His mind kept trying to convince him that there was more to this than what was laid out before him. The way the corpses were just split open, it was as if something had hatched out of them. The sight and smell seemed so unnatural. It was unpleasant enough when the cave first flashed open. Now, after thinking the whole scenario over and over again, it only made sense that things would get worse from here on out.

He wasn't sure where he was supposed to go from here. His mind kept telling him to leave this behind. Let it slip away. Let it all slip away. Alone time was what he sure as hell needed most. The entities and realities that became a part of his existence were working at nothing but the idea of completely fucking him over. If it were to only mean that one particle of sanity remained within him.

Hours had passed. Diego, still unable to bring his mentality back together, tries to see this as if it were all a dream.

'__I'm just dreaming. They're not really dead. If anything… I'm dead.'__

He began to toss and turn in his mixture of dreams and reality. His paws were up at his face, covering the hell bent look in his eyes. He started to rattle his head, tightening his jaws and any muscles in his skull. His breathing only murmured heavier and louder.

"What the fuck have I been doing with my fucking life?"

He choked to himself, heavy panting coming in between every word that spilled out of his mouth. Soon after, he rolled his eyes upwards, his cheeks cracking an ominous grin as he maniacally laughed out of pure insanity. His claws dug into the Earth, scratching away at the pieces of the world that he could never seem to fit together. All of his past transgressions and remorse had to be swept away.

'__I got left behind and all I can do is let it all slip away.'__

And life only seemed to more eerily slip away from him. What little effort he put into making things better seemed pointless. No amount of positive thinking could overrule the negativity of life. No brief moment stood out in this kind of way for him. No emotions could come close to explaining what feelings he had. If they even were feelings, that is.

'__Life's slipping away from me. It's not the way I thought it would be.'__

It seemed so much simpler back when he was a cub. Back before those horrendous events took place. Back before he knew what life really and truly was about. His mind started to pull back together as he realized that he still resided in reality. He was still breathing. Still living.

__ 'Still fucked up.'__

No matter what the situation is, he'll continue to go on. For better or worse, it didn't matter, for his history is too real to hate. Everyone's ways and philosophies of life never appealed to him. Many of the sabers around him have always seen him as a threat to society. A dark plague. An omen. All because they didn't know who he was.

__ 'Does anyone have any idea how painful it is when their own parents don't know who the fuck they are?'__

His parents had known him his whole life. If they never truly knew him, why would anyone? He wanted to tell them. He wanted to tell them so badly of what's become of him and what had happened to him. How every step he had taken since birth had leaded him into this darkest time of his life. So many times he's felt the grasp. That grasp to just escape it all. To leave the bullshit behind. But they never understood. They never understood what the hell he was talking about. And so, over the years, he became less and less active physically and socially. He rarely left the cave den. He rarely spoke a word. His parents would constantly fight with him to go out and get some exercise.

Thoughts after thoughts were consumed and attempted to decipher. All of which had stopped as soon as he had heard the noise that dimly made its way into the cave. Figuring that it was just his head playing tricks on him, he leaves the cave

The events that followed were only those of delusional states and unawareness. He felt like he could nearly pass out at any second. He couldn't get the guilt out of him. He couldn't get the sickness out of him. He couldn't get the hate out of him. Images would occasionally flash up in his mind. Today was just like any other day. Who'd have thought that this would be the outcome? His parents dead.

Half of him was thinking about getting help from someone. The problem was, with no parents, what was he supposed to do? He's rarely done anything on his own. He was never able to adapt to the real world. He knew that he wasn't ready for it while everyone else was.

And so, he slipped away from it as he walked out of the cave, almost not remembering the events that just took place. He wanted to scream. He wanted to scream so loud that his insides would hurl themselves out. He wanted every saber in the world to see him in this insomniac state of well-being. He would've done it, if __he __was the one to scream.

He only cast a glance in the direction that the scream came from, not giving any second thoughts about it. Why would anything bring his life out of the undomesticated world that he lived in? Instead, he collapsed to the ground and let his sadness leak out of him as he cried. He buried his head face down in the snow as he continued to hear the constant screams of peril. It didn't matter anymore what situation was going on around him. Tragedy was bestowed upon him nearly every day and he only expected for it to continue.

What he didn't expect was the sudden sound of something shivering in fear. He looked over to his side, casting his view at the edge of the horizon which was only twenty feet from him due to a slope descending further down the area. Everything that his mind could still process was telling him to go down to it. Yet, he didn't want to. He didn't care. He was so delusional at that moment as he was about to cry more so. Yet, again, something else cried first. So softly, it cried. It whimpered. Almost like it was a helpless kitten.

Finally, Diego, feeling painfully broken emotionally, gets up and quietly walks over to where the sound is coming from. He was having second thoughts as he started padding over. He stopped for a moment before taking a deep breath and continuing until he reached the edge of the small cliff's edge. He crouched down and slowly leaned his head over the edge.

As expected from the noise, it was another saber tooth. She was facing away from him to where she couldn't see him. She was bent down as though she was hiding from something. Diego noticed a few cuts and scratches embedding over her pelt. Something had attacked her. He wasn't sure what and wasn't sure what he was going to do. Or what he was supposed to do. As if he didn't ask himself that same question every day.

He started to hear noises coming from every direction. He couldn't piece everything together completely, but he could only do what his instincts told him to do.

Without double thinking it, he leans closer to her, just beside her right ear, that of which he noticed the two earrings that dangled down from it.

"Hey."

The instant reaction that he got from her was as of no surprise as she quickly turned around and swung her claws at him and barely missed. She stumbled over and leaned up against the cliff's edge, panting heavily.

"Easy, Kitty." Diego said not as a taunt, but out of concern. It was then that he noticed that the growling and snarling around him was getting louder. He looked back at her, seeing her eyes for the first time. His world had seemed like it had changed. Everything felt like it had gone into slow motion as he felt his heart begin to beat harder than ever.

__ 'Christ, I've never seen anyone look so-__

He shook head, knowing that now was definitely not the time for this kind of shit.

Again, without thinking, he jumped down onto the same ground that she was on. She only growled in response, telling him to stay away from him. What Diego did next would instantly prove that he wanted a death wish. He leaps onto her and pulls her into under the inclined cliff's edge. He began to feel pain over him as he noticed that she was clawing at him in hopes of escape. Yet, no matter how hard she tried, Diego wouldn't let go. He gritted his teeth as he fought the pain. A part of him liked it. Getting the pain shoved out of him. It seemed like it was what he needed. To feel some more physical pain. After all, emotional pain became a little boring.

"I'm not going to hurt you. I promise. I'm not going to hurt you." Diego began to repeatedly say as he started to gently stroke her neck even though she was still constantly attacking him. Slowly, ever so slowly, scratch after scratch and bite after bite, the pain died down as he was left with nothing but the sound of her sadness leaking onto him.

__ 'Is this actually happening? Where did my past life go?'__

He began to whisper and told her to keep quite. He held onto her tightening his locked muscles to keep her secured.

__ 'It's been literally no more than a minute. Where are all of these feelings coming from?__

He continued to stroke her shoulders as he observed the body before him. Seeing the only excusable gift of life in his entire life, he couldn't believe the state that it was in along with himself, now. All of the cuts and marks over her, they seemed so much more sinister than normal saber attacks. Yet, he didn't overlook it. Not yet, anyways.

His goal seemed to appear so instantly. To keep this saber safe and out of harm's way. That was all that he was sure that he was able to do at the moment.

"It's all right. Everything…Everything is going to be all right."

_'Right?'_

**_** I will stay here for a while, for I need the break. A break from the pressures of life, and everything that lays in the palm of life's hands. This mode is incredible. It's out of this world. Too bad I must always leave it. But that's life.**_**

Yes. That's life.


	4. Prosthetics

Prosthetics

_**Even if you run... I will find you**_

_**I decided I want you. Now I know... I need**_

_**If you can't be bought, tougher than I thought**_

_**Keep in mind: I watch you**_

_**Never left out fate, can't concentrate**_

_**You will be mine**_

Her breathing continued to die down with every stroke that Diego made across her shoulder. He kept whispering to her. He kept telling her to stay quite. Everything was going to be okay. He wasn't going to let anything hurt her. He just kept on holding her. His emotions seemed so happy. So beautiful. So fucked up.

He could feel the heat rising beyond his current capacity, same as her's. It was also there that he finally got a good look at her. Already, he was beginning to dwell up fantasies of her lips against his. Her flawless body giving him pleasure and his shaft giving her pleasure. His heart was breathing so fast and he could hardly swallow. He just couldn't believe this perfect body, perfect face, and perfect eyes were leaning up and into him. Feeling her head rest in his neck nearly convinced him that she wasn't just scared.

Again, she began whimpering. She hugged in closer and tighter to Diego than she was before,wanting to bury herself in his warmth just to hide from what might possibly take place.

Diego could only hear the growls and snarls of other sabers closing in, only making his temporary possession close the little space that was between them. Then, so suddenly, it stopped. All of it. The rustling from the tall grass. The loud, piercing snarls. The footsteps that seemed to feel right on top of them. It all just... stopped. Now, the only sounds that were still existing were the two sabers' heavy breathing. Both slowly turned their heads towards each other, neither wanting to do so much as whisper for fear that their was still someone there.

At that moment, the sun had risen completely and cast down into the cliff side where the two sabers lay. Diego wanted to talk to her. He wanted to figure out just what was going on. But he couldn't risk it. Not yet. He couldn't risk the possibility that something was still around, listening for any sound or movement. No, instead, he returned to his own fantasy, thinking about nothing except for this saber that he just met. Not even. Love is always at first sight. But admittance isn't.

"Please. Make this stop. Please."

It was the first time he got to hear her voice, shortly after, followed by soft whimpering. This only made Diego want to wrap himself around her and make her feel safe. He wanted to so badly, yet he wasn't sure if she would respond positively to it. He was already stupid enough to try and pin her down when she was all but provoked, and that didn't end the way that he'd prefer it to. It just went to show that his own mistakes made him more and more paranoid to do almost anything.

But not this time. Instead, she rolled over and pressed her body directly into his and rested her head below his own. What really surprised him was the way she ever so slowly tilted her head up at him, having that glistering beauty in her eyes shine onto him. What surprised him even more was the look that she gave him. So slowly, he could see how much she was fighting the urge to fulfill the lust within her. He couldn't believe that this was all real. He had a million ideas on where his life was going to go and what events were going to be at steak.

_'But this?... damn.'_

At that moment, he no longer cared what was still outside listening. He didn't give a fuck if another saber was right there watching the two of them. Honestly, he never cared about anything. Nothing ever seemed important enough in this world to care about. Nothing.

_'But this?... still... damn.'_

Before he knew it, she had already gone and done the unthinkable. Quick as lightning, she latched herself onto Diego and threw her lips against his. Diego never reacted. He couldn't have. It caught him beyond surprised. It caught him out of oblivion. He couldn't do anything except for continue his own fantasized and sexual desires.

_**Better make yourself at home. You're here to stay. You won't bother me if you let me bother you. All the doors are locked. All the windows shut. Keep in mind- I watch you. Never leave my side, never leave me, fucker. Even if you run.**_

Eventually, he was able to come back into reality and throw himself around her like she did for him. This was all unbelievable. This was all more than unbelievable. The crying never stopped. The whimpering never stopped. Yet, she still wanted it.

_'I don't even know her name yet, for fuck's sake!'_

Just to be safe, Diego inched back from her grasp, just to see if she felt forced into this, which as far as he knew, wasn't his intention in the slightest. It just felt so wrong to be doing this. What happened seven years, getting fucked when he was just a cub. It traumatized him beyond regular capacity. Because of this, he never would have expected to so naturally submit to this. Truth is, he did.

As soon as he began to pull away, it only resulted in her lunging forward again, and getting her lust filled purring to get the best of her. All the while, she was still uncontrollably crying her eyes out. It was there that Diego finally decided to completely give in and explore her mouth as well. While he did this, he also took both of his paws and started to wipe her eyes.

What really turned him on was when he felt her grab a hand full of his chest and lean up to his ear.

"Please take care of me. Please." She whispered, lightly panting while Diego took in the smell of her soft breath. She then took her other paw up to the side of his face and tilted her head into his.

_'I feel like I'm being born again. I feel like I'm being cured. Everything bad is slipping away. How in the Hell?'_

He didn't want to think about it too much. After all, what's the worse that could happen? Right now, he knew that he was on the verge of either a breakdown, or having sex. The problem though, was that it didn't feel like the same thing that others sabers have talked about. It seemed too quick, obviously. He was really starting to consider if she was being forced to do this.

_'But for what purpose, and why me?'_

"What's your name anyway, Softie? She spoke up, seeming to be way too comfortable with all of this.

"My name is 'Very Fucking Confused'. What's your name? What the hell's going on here?" He said in the most obvious tone of sarcasm.

She only laughed in response which Diego both did intend and did not intend to do. He could of sworn that just a minute ago, she was bawling her eyes out. Now, she seems happy as ever.

_'Weird...'_

Again, not thinking too much of it, he goes back to pleasuring her by licking around her neck.

"Seriously, you gonna tell me your name, or what?" she jokingly demanded.

"...Diego." He said as he stopped what he was getting into.

"Well Diego..." She said as she ran her paw down his chest without any sense of hesitation, getting Diego to blush.

"You know what I would love more than anything else right now?" She said, leaning closer into him and stroking his shoulder.

"I might have an idea." He answered, getting her to laugh.

"I want you to..." She paused as she leaned up to his ear, "fuck me."

With that, Diego suddenly felt her grab his now erected shaft, causing him to let out a gasp of pleasure.

"Oh my fucking god." He lustfully breathed out as he was shoved into the side of the incline and forced to lay down. Funny thing is, this was almost exactly how that event ten years ago began. Why, all of a sudden, does it feel so acceptable?

_**What the fuck is different? Man, I can't believe I'm doing this.**_

He was only able to lie there as he watched her bring her head down and engulf her lips around his shaft, feeling her soft tongue tickle his top.

She just kept bobbing her head up and down while pushing her paws down on his hind legs.

_'This is happening. This is fucking happening. Why is this fucking happening?'_

He wasn't able to control himself or his thoughts. He couldn't understand why she was doing this. For what reason and for what gain?

_'She's not hesitating. She really wants this.'_

She just got more and more into it as the minutes progressed. Eventually, she resurfaced and released her lock with his shaft with saliva dribbling down her mouth. She looked up at him, smiled and rested her chin beside his shaft.

_'God, she's so fucking beautiful.'_

"You like that?" She said seductively.

Diego only smiled back while reaching his arms out, telling her to come closer. She laughed and got up to lay on top of him, greeting him with a messy kiss.

"So, what do you think, big boy?" she asks, patting him on the stomach.

"What do you mean?" He asks as he takes his paw and scratches behind her ear, getting her to purr.

"You ready to have some real fun?"

Before he could answer, he felt her grab his now throbbing love stick and thrust herself into him, having her channel slide up and down his shaft.

Diego's instincts took complete control over him at that moment that he couldn't stop himself before he took both paws, grabbing her rear and thrusting his shaft farther into her, getting her to gasp out of pleasure.

"Please don't stop. That's perfect, Diego."

He only worked his hind legs faster and faster as time went on. Both sabers never let go of their eye contact with each other.

"I promise, I'm gonna take good care of you." She whispered into his ear followed by a lick up his neck.

Funny thing, that was exactly what childhood abuser told him right before it all happened. Because of this, he couldn't help but wipe his lustful expression off of his face.

She noticed this and placed her paw beside his face.

"You alright?" She asked. Again, saying exactly what was said those seven years ago. Only, this time the words sounded truthful and honest.

It was then that Diego noticed the earring that was dangling from her left ear. He let her continue to ride his meat as he reached his paw up to her ear and turned the earring towards him. He noticed writing carved into it that spelled, "Shira"

"Shira? Is that your name?" He asked.

"Ya, it's stupid, I know." She said, softly laughing at herself.

"Did I ever say th-

He got interrupted as he felt his climax hit it's peak. He still fought and held it in for as long as he could.

"Oh fuck, I'm almost there."

Shira then leaned up and kissed him.

"Hold it in for as long as you can." She instructed, getting a nod from him in return.

Diego then rolled her onto the floor beside him, wrapping himself around her while still working his shaft into her.

The feelings he had for this saber. It just didn't make sense. Nothing ever did. And he could only assume that that was okay. Yes, they just met. But that's how it's both beautiful and fucked up at the same time. So beautifully fucked up. How they were so easily willing to do it. There must be some sort of explanation to this.

At that moment, he was at the tip of having his climax. He could no longer hold it in as he detached himself from Shira and aimed his shaft at her. He let out a monstrous roar before releasing his load onto her, wanting to cover her in as much of his love as possible. All the while, she just leaned forward with her mouth open and her eyes shut.

After it was all over, both sabers collapsed on the ground next to each other, both turning their heads towards each other and panting heavily.

"Fucking Hell." Diego said, nearly out of breath. Yet, the back of his mind held the truth. This was a mistake.

** _I found you leaning out of an open window. You laughed, my fingers clenched. Too perfect, far too careless. I couldn't help myself, I just took you._**

_** Damn it man, I knew it was a mistake.**_

_** I knew it was a mistake.**_

_** You brought it out of me.**_

_** Mistake...**_


	5. Skin Ticket

Skin Ticket

_**Zero and zero is nothing but zero**_

_**Cancer and people conspire together**_

_**Running and running and going forever**_

_**Collected and sampled, starving for zero**_

There wasn't anything more comforting than the morning that he had woken up to that very next day. Getting to wake up to the feeling of her body up against him and her head resting under his chin. The golden saber could only smile in what seemed like a decade as he lowered himself below Shira's neck and began licking up towards her face until his mouth came to her's as he, once again, relived the fantasy that he partook in the night before.

If anyone had known about it, they'd say that it was wrong. Asking either of them, they'd say that it was right. The feelings he felt were just beyond what anyone could attempt to describe. There was nothing to be said about something that had a lot to be said about. As he began stroking her stomach and looking outside the incline, he could only assume that this happiness won't last forever.

_'Why'd she do it? Why did she fuck me?' _He asked himself as if the world wasn't confusing enough already. It only seemed normal that he didn't understand as always. Life just keeps going. No breaks. No second thoughts. There's just no time. Just keep floating down the river and see where it takes you.

_'I'm just a pretty boy. I'm not suppose to fuck a girl. I'm just a pretty boy living in this fucked up world.'_

What will it be like when she wakes up? What's she going to say? What's she going to do? It made Diego more nervous just thinking about it. Yes, they both wanted it. Yes, it was great. But he still couldn't figure out why. There was just so much that he wanted to know. About life. About the future. About her.

Yet, he always had this feeling that what he had in present time was strangely not enough. Having this mesmerizing and overly stunning body resting beneath him, the breathing almost matching his own, was beginning to seem less and less hard to believe. He wasn't sure on whether he should take this as a good thing or a bad thing. Supposedly, everything seems that way. He almost wanted all of this to feel as though it were forced. Just so that he could make some sense out of what's been happening. This feeling made him want to be locked up in a cage. At least then no one could tell him what to say. After all, his dreams do come with a price.

Again, he gently lowered his head to lean up against hers, hugging her closer and sensing the feeling of her loose figure. Oddly though, he couldn't help but enjoy the feeling. Having this sense of power that allowed you to do anything you wanted to someone. Satisfaction is the only feeling there. And he almost craved for it.

_'If she were dead...'_

His heart nearly skipped a few beats as he thought these words. Was his mind just playing tricks on him? It's not like having her alive would be any different. She'd still let him do whatever he wanted to her. She seemed to trust him so much.

_'Is it... any different?'_

He wasn't sure what came over him. It almost felt... pleasuring... to be thinking these thoughts in his head. He figured it was normal considering what went on the night before. Maybe it was just the sense of possession. Every chance he took that night, he gave her what she wanted. It almost surprised him how he didn't hesitate. He never knew he had it in him. Just like she told him after it was all finished.

**"Amazing." **She told him, nearly out of breath to the point of exhaustion from the night before. Both sabers ended up laying by each other and looking up at the incline's ceiling. Heavy breathing was all that either of them heard. It proved to be extremely difficult for Diego to believe this all happened.

**"That was amazing."** She looked over at him with that everlasting twinkle in her eyes. Diego could only give her more adoration for her traits. Sure, it hadn't taken much for the two sabers to meet and have their way. Sure, it probably would've been more understandable had they known each other for _at least _a month before this all happened. And sure, to anyone else, the two weren't thinking straight and should be killed for the disgrace that they created. But guess what? It's so predictable. The way Diego saw it. It was the only thing he could have needed. It might have saved him. Just knowing that someone was willing to have intercourse with him, it almost made him feel like there was actually life in this world. Someone actually fucking cared. Someone would take the time to look through him and figure him out. Understand who he truly fucking was. It took too long for him to understand that his parents had selfish intentions when they were pulling him in opposite directions.

_Does anyone stand outside their fears? Thinking about their life? Thinking about their inner fears?_

Thoughts and worries aside, Diego wanted to focus all of his attention on her. It was all he could do as he held his paw up to the side of her face, getting her to smile in amusement. Everything she did just seemed so... perfect. The way that she'd lean up against him with her shoulders snuggled into his embrace. How she'd look up at him at that perfect angle, mesmerizing him with that look of wanting and desire. It really was more than he could handle. So much that he considered going for another round immediately after it was all done. If only to dispose of these addictive and possessive traits.

To his unawareness, he would never get rid of them.

He was only about to continue the embrace that she seemed to so desperately yearn for. But instead, he got one look from her that said everything he needed to know. She had a look of lust, want and desire. It wasn't just him. Within the last fifteen hours, Diego had grown so attached to her so quickly. He was just now realizing that the same was happening for her.

_'Is she really obsessed with me as much as I am with her? Is that even possible?'_

__Even hate starts out as love sometimes when it's all you want. Maybe satisfaction will take you for granted when all that's left is the life you abandoned. It can't be the way. He is judged to be afraid. It's all simple and unchanged. It only seemed reasonable for him to give up.

"You're definitely one of a kind." Diego whispered to her as he began to scratch behind her ear, getting her to purr out of delight. It was all so adorable to Diego. Much so, that he didn't hesitate before throwing his arms over her and pulling her in as close as he was physically capable of doing. All the while, she did the same as she laughed out of sheer enjoyment.

That all happened that same night. Back in reality, he still had her cuddled up into his embrace. He continued to toy with her limp body as she continued to sleep. Part of it was to wake her up. He figured that he'd be the first to wake, considering that she was doing the majority of the work the previous night while he sat back and let her get into it if she so much as insisted. Yet, the main reason why he played with her as she slept was simply because... he couldn't help it.

_'Why? Where is this coming from? I can't even think straight.'_

_**'It's perfectly fine. This is what love is. Don't worry about it so much.'  
**_ His heart was beginning to race faster than normal and his throat began to dry up. His muscles began to twitch and his eyes started to nearly glow red. Funny thing though, this isn't the first time that this has happened. Similar feelings were felt at the loss of his parents. Not as severe, but there nonetheless.

_'This feeling... It's like a pulse.'_

_**'It's like a knife through your veins.'**_

'_It's like a gun to your fucking head.'_

His mind began to talk on it's own. He wasn't completely aware of it, though. He figured that he was just all but overwhelmed by the events that have recently taken place.

_'And what happened seven years ago...'_

He was at the verge of breaking down. The tears began to form. His body began to tighten as he gripped on to her harder and harder.

"I need you. I don't know why, but... I need you. I fucking need you." He whispered to both himself and her as well. It was shortly after that he began to whimper. He let his emotions take control over him as he no longer cared. He didn't want to wake her up if she still needed sleep, yet with the noise that he was making, it didn't surprise him when he began to feel her muscles move.

_'Stop crying! No girl want's to see you crying like a bitch!'_

Ignoring his conscious this time, he only looked down at her with nothing but pain in his eyes as she began to open her own. She didn't let out a yawn like he half expected her to. Instead, she immediately locked her eyes on his. For a second, she smiled, getting to see his face for the first time waking up. But no sooner did it vanish with a look of confusion and concern.

"What's wrong?" she asked with nothing but absolute care in her words. He could already tell she didn't like seeing him like this. Nor would _he_ like seeing_ her _like that.

_'What's wrong? Of course she'd say that. Who wouldn't?'_

After hearing her say this, he didn't try covering up his pain. He, instead, did the exact opposite and cried even harder as he leaned away from her and turned his back from her.

_'Why should I bother saying anything? She'd never fucking understand.'_

_**'Fuck the fact that she'd never understand. Do you honestly think you've got anything else to lose?'**_

__Not wanting to think too much about it, he kept his back turned from her and refrained from moving a muscle. It didn't take long before he felt her presence draw near as she walked in front of him and lied down with her face facing his. He didn't want to look up at her. Someone like her felt too good for someone like him.

"Diego. Please look at me." She said, sounding like she too was about to cry. No amount of hesitation could succumb to the pain that resided in her words. He couldn't find any reason to look away as he slowly rose his head up with his tears making their way down his cheeks and past his lips. He swallowed the ball in his throat as he locked his gaze on her with his mouth trembling uncontrollably.

"Was everything... last night... was it too fast?"

Diego had a hard time finding a somewhat reasonable answer. Yes, it did seem way too fast, yet it also seemed to be just what he needed. If only to take his thoughts in a different direction.

_**'Well? It's a yes or no question. Was it too fast for you or not?'**_

_'It's not that simple!'_

He was about to respond until she spoke up again.

"Cause if it was, then... I'm- I mean, I'm still not sure what came over me. I- I guess I just had a lot on my mind and I felt like I just needed to-

"Take the pressure off?"

Saying this only got her to look up at him. The look she gave made her seem like she was trying to figure out what he meant by that. It somewhat felt like they were bonding ever so closer to each other, neither one of them wanting to ever let the other one go.

"Ya. That." She responded.

"Cause truth be told, I've had a lot on my mind too."

"Like what?"

_ 'Why is she seeming so interested in a fuck face like me?'_

It was just all the more reason for him to love and adore her. He didn't want to just open up and dump all of his problems out for her to hear. She probably had her own problems anyways. Yet, the way that she kept on asking, it made him convinced that she really did care.

_ 'She really does fucking care.'_

He could only crack the smallest of grins as she asked, getting her to nearly do the same before lightly laughing to himself. No sooner did her paw reach up and latch on to his shoulder, easing him of his pain.

"When I was a cub, I was being abused by somebody and I went to my parents and told them about it, and they thought I was lying and joking around. They never did shit about. They didn't really believe it was happening to their son... I don't really like to talk about. This is as much as I've ever talked about it..._"_

After saying as little as possible about his most traumatizing memory, he lowered his head and began crying his eyes out. Shortly after, he felt her throw her arms around him and pulled him into her embrace and comfort. And it was right there.

It all went wrong.

His mind. His feelings towards this saber. His views on his own existence and his past tragedies. His body and muscles. Everything. Just. Went. Fucking. Crazy.

_**Come see my cage- built in my grain. Minus the inside and minus the circle. Inhabit the riddle and fill in the hovel. Wherein and herein, between us and near us. Zero and zero is nothing but zero.**_

__His mind went blank. He could hardly see the look on her face. That look of fear. He had no control over himself and yet he had complete control. Or, at least something else did. As he jumped her and pinned her down, instantly biting into her left shoulder, tearing at the skin , hearing the blood curdling screams and feeling the blood run red, he couldn't help but feel pleasure and comfort from it

_**Keeping myself alive through your EMPATHY!**_

.flesym evol I


	6. Shoots and Ladders

Shoots and Ladders

**Nursery rhymes are said, verses in my head**

**Into my childhood they're spoon fed**

**Hidden violence revealed, darkness that seems real**

**Look at the pages that cause all this evil**

_ 'It's not enough... It's just not enough... More... I want... more.'_

It didn't matter if he was the happiest saber in the world or the most miserable, one thing will always remain the same. The need for more than he already has. There always has been this sense of immortality through the idea of possession. Time and time again, it got caught up so brutally within him. As a result, nothing will ever be enough. For anyone. Ever. Especially him.

_'But... I will have it... All that I need... She'll give it to me... Only me.' _

And these thoughts only encouraged him further as he had his teeth remain in the side of her neck. For the first few seconds, he heard her gasp in pain, shortly followed by whimpering and crying. Strangely enough, though, he didn't get any resistance from her. She just remained in place, stiffening up to the point of nearly passing out. Ironically, it would be the opposite.

Just thinking about the whole scenario over only made his delusion and discouragement get the best out of his hatred.

_'This hatred. It's controlling me. It's been controlling me. I hate this world so much. I love this world so much. I hate her so much. I... love her... so much.'_

His mind only started laughing on the inside. It whimpered. It panted. It screeched. It screamed. He could hear the insides of his body pulsing louder than anything else that was going on during those moments. Everything had just come out of nowhere.

_**'This feeling is like a pulse'**_

Diego could subconsciously tell that his "alter ego" was fading as he finally felt concern for her. Why wasn't she fighting back now like she was the night before when all he did was say "hello"? It made little to no sense. But then again, neither was what he was doing.

There never seemed to be a cause to this whole dilemma. Nothing from the start created any of what was happening now and what is going to be happening in the future. Everything was added like a chemical imbalance. All the "_right"_ elements were placed together to form the reality that he has grown up to know.

At last, the clouded vision he had fallen victim to had been put to rest as he was able to regain control of himself. Or, so he thought. The more his hatred built in, the more his compassion faded. The more his compassion faded, the less he had of himself. It only started to sink in and put the pieces together half way as his teeth were doing nearly the same.

Half of him was trying to think ahead and find some kind of excuse to redeem him from the Hell that he was making. He wanted to somehow convince her that this wasn't what it seemed. This wasn't cannibalism. Yet, his other half was trying to achieve just that.

Looking back down at her, he was almost thinking of telling her that this was serious. He wanted her to be his mate. He wanted to leave a symbol on her that would last for eternity and hoped that she would contribute to the same thing.

That was a lie.

As he looked down at her, he started to think that maybe what he was seeing everyday was a lie too.

"You killed me, you little fucker." her sorrow-less eyes aimlessly stared up at him

It wasn't Shira that he had his teeth engulfed around. It was someone else. Someone that started this whole mentally fucked up journey of his.

"I didn't- I mean- you..." He instantly released his jaws. As he did this, so did all the other sabers around him stare immensely at him. All of them. The same ones that he had grown up with but never got to know very well. The same ones that she was with. The saber that had single handily raped him as a child and felt no remorse for it.

"You got what you fucking deserved. For doing what you did to me and god knows who else."

Diego spat at her. He never questioned the reality before him as if this was some kind of sick dream. That trait of his had died a long time ago. The tragedy he had experienced as a cub. Seeing his own parents brutally ripped apart dead. This beautiful and in every which way amazing saber that non-hesitatingly fucked him out of the blue.

_'What's real anymore?'_

The sabers around him, much younger than him, three months old at best, were casually minding there own business. They were playing with one another like cubs should be doing.

_'But not me'_

He only observed his surroundings. The same creek that those cubs had hung around those many years ago. He was no longer in the cave that he had used for his own sexual desires. He never felt as though there was a transition. It felt like he had been there for an eternity, though he knew that wasn't the case. It was just another one of his traits that had died. His awareness became obsolete.

Almost as instantaneously, Diego felt the same sickness that had settled into his system on those numerous yet uncountable occasions. He felt this urge. This unexplained and illogical urge to push your current traits and desires and make absolute insanity out of them. This very same feeling that, as Diego now realizes it, may have been the cause of that unfortunate event that happened those ten years ago. It may have been why she had the audacity to rape him senselessly. It brought such a nerve racking shiver down his spine just to realize the truth, though was technically never told.

Seeing the cubs continue to sing and laugh and spin around each other together and having this epiphany gave Diego that same feeling. That same unsettling yet irresistible urge to dive in and pounce on top of one of the helpless cubs.

**Ring around the rosies. Pocket full of posies. Ashes, ashes, we all fall down.**

The rest of the cubs only stood there as Diego clamped the young sabress in his jaws, pinning her down.

No screams or signs of resistance were there as he lunged his almost instant erected shaft into her channel.

As he pulled in and out, loving the tight feel for all it was worth, he couldn't help but search for a reason he should not be doing this.

**One, two, buckle my shoe. Three, four, shut the door. Five, six, pick up sticks. Seven, eight, lay them straight.**

His heart seemed blind. His mind seemed dead. His body was all that he could use as this disease took away all the positive emotions and traits inside of him. This all only made him think back to the night with Shira. Having her in his possession. Maybe that was what was really the cause of this. The over sense gratification of possession was perhaps too much for Diego.

**London Bridge is falling down, falling down, falling down. London Bridge is falling down, my fair lady.**

"What are you doing?" A voice asked of curiosity.

Diego stopped his momentum as he looked up at one of the cubs. A dark brown green eyed cub who had finally spoken up, yet did not seem as though he had acknowledged the whole event that took place, In fact, all of them had that look. As if they were half alive. Only able to take in so much at one given time.

The urge that had enveloped Diego had now all but faded.

"You don't want to do that, do you?" Another cub said, a bit taller and older than the previous and had a lighter pelt with almost yellow blazed eyes.

"I don't-" Diego stumbled for a response. He only lifted himself off the cub, or what at least should have been. As he looked back down, he only saw his possession in her place. Yet, like always, he thought nothing of it.

"You can't do that." The first cub said.

"Yes I c-

"But... you're not here."

Diego only looked at the dark pelted cub as he said this.

"You're not here. Not anymore."

The second the cub finished that sentence, so did the world around Diego seemingly finish.

Figuring that all of this was just inside his head as he felt himself leave his virtual reality, he came to be back inside the all too familiar cave. And he knew that it wasn't a dream. None of it could have been. The blood that still trickled under his daggers. The smell of the love that he had made that previous night. The only thing missing was... her.

Diego looked around, wondering where she had gone as panic started to rise up inside of him. Yet, no sooner did he remember why it was no surprise that she wasn't there.

"Why the fuck did I do that?"

He shamelessly shook his head as he recalled all that had happened before that world of amnesia took place. Yet, now, he understood why it happened.

**Nursery rhymes are said, verses in my head. Into my childhood, they're spoon fed. Hidden violence revealed, darkness that seems real. Look at the pages that cause all this evil.**

He could only breath heavily as he realized he had just lost her. It was all his fault. That was the one and only truth in this world. It was all his fault.

"Everything has been my fault. Whether it seemed like it or not, everything is my fault."

He lifted his paw to his face and felt pain by his right cheek bone and realized that it and been slashed at.

_'She must have done it to get away from me while I was doing... that. God, why can't this sickness just fucking go away? What the fuck did I do to deserve all of this?! Why the fuck am I blessed with this?! How much more pain do I fucking need?!'_

He collapsed to the floor, unable and unwilling to do anything.

_'How the fuck do I get out?'_

It only hit him there that the obvious answer had been there before. She was the only way out. She always had been. Diego had always known that, but never thought anything of it until now.

"I'll never let you go." He silently cried to himself as he got up and sprinted out the cave and picked up the scent of his only cure in this world.


	7. The Virus of Life

The Virus of Life

_**I can see you but you can't see me**_

_**I could touch you and you wouldn't even feel me**_

_**Wait a second and you'll settle down**_

_**I'm just waiting 'til you really let your guard down**_

_**You're relaxed, you're sublime, you're amazing**_

_**You don't even know the danger you're facing**_

_**If I'm quiet I'll slide up behind you**_

_**And if you hear me I'll enjoy trying to find you**_

He didn't feel the same. He didn't feel the way he use to be. He felt empty. He felt like garbage. And the irony was that anyone would just throw him away.

His insides twisted. His throat throbbed. His eyes were about to fall out. He could feel his temperature rising. He began to sweat out of every portion of his body.

_**"You're scales are tipping. You're mind is flipping. You can't fucking break. You can't fucking see."**_

_ 'How did it start? Well, I don't know. I just feel the craving. I see the flesh and it smells fresh and it's just there for the taking. These little girls they make me feel so god damn exhilarated. I feel them up, I can't give it up. The pain that I'm just erasing. I tell my lies and I despise every second I'm with you. So I run away and you still stay. So what the fuck is with you? I can't help but rape your feelings. I'm sorry I don't feel the same. My heart inside is constantly hating. I'm sorry I just throw you away. I don't know why I'm so fucking cold. I don't know why it hurts me. All I wanna do is get with you and make the pain go away. Why do I have a conscience? All it does is fuck with me. Why do I have this torment? All I want to do is fuck it away.'_

He didn't have the audacity to run after her. All he did was walk. Slowly, quietly and carefully. He knew too well that she'd have to eventually stop somewhere. She was his. Forever.

**I've been with you all day. I'm trying so hard to stay calm. I'm impatient and it's really hard to breathe. I'm going to empty you and fill you in with me.**

_'I can't run from this! I can't run from this anymore! I'm done! I'm fucking done!'_

It's been twenty minutes since the incident occurred. As time went on, she found it harder and harder to believe it actually happened.

As the forest drew to an end, she found herself cut off by a tall icy mountain. She looked both ways down, unable to see an end to either side. She saw her best chance of hiding to be climbing atop the mountain. As she began scaling the high top, her mind kept going back to Diego. He seemed so trustworthy at the time. She couldn't remember the last time she felt safe before she met him. But now, she knew that she'd never be able to trust any living creature again.

_'Diego... you lied. You lied to me. You're one of them. You were my last strain of sanity.'_

Her mind felt so secluded. So isolated. Her head was throbbing from all of these hurtful thoughts and memories. Every step she took towards climbing over the mountain became more and more painful as she was hesitating to stop and let him find her.

_'Maybe I can talk some sense into him. What we did last night. It felt so real. It felt so honest. He really did love me. No matter how quickly it happened.'_

She truly didn't know anymore. She could only second guess things at this point.

_'When we first met, he just wouldn't let go of me no matter how hard I clawed at him. It seemed so insane, yet it made perfect sense. This was his plan from the beginning, wasn't it?_

No matter which way she looked at it, the same results came up.

_'Maybe... maybe he didn't know. Maybe he doesn't know what's happening to him.'_

At that point, she was tired of thinking so hard about all of this and plopped herself on the ground, her chin laying in the snow mixed dirt below her. She drew circles in the snow with her claws, trying to find someway to regain her focus and the problem at hand. She didn't feel like running. That never got her anywhere, metaphorically speaking. She honestly didn't care if Diego found her right then and there.

_'But, what's going to happen if he finds me?'_

Her scent grew stronger and stronger as he made his way deeper into the forest. His eyes became pulsing, nearly ready to jump out at any second. His chest area began tightening and creating weird popping noises. His head felt like it had splinters embedded deep within his skull. This pain drew him crazy. As if he wasn't crazy already.

So suddenly, out of no where, he broke down in tears. He was just now coming to the realization that something was wrong. This wasn't who he was. He knew he would never even think about hurting her.

_'My body is... no longer under my control.'_

He forced himself to stop and lie down. He gripped his head with his paws, desperately pleading for answers to all of this.

"GET OUT OF MY HEAD! GET OUT OF MY LIFE! WHAT EVER THE FUCK YOU ARE!"

He started to bawl out in agony as he rolled on to his back, still gripping his head and rocking violently from side to side. He started screaming out gibberish, no longer being able to process and put words together.

Memories began to flash through his mind about her. All he could see was her dead decaying corpse split open. The images flashed so quickly at different angles, he was hardly able to make out what it was to begin with.

Letting out one final scream, so loud and ear piercing that he began to taste blood coming up through his throat.

**Just keep the violence down. Not yet- don't make a sound. Oh God I'm feeling it. It's reaching fever pitch. My skin is caving in. My heart is driving out. No mercy, no remorse. Let nature take it's course.**

He tried crawling at that point. The only thing on his mind was her. His heart raced faster and faster to the point where it was actually hurting him. His throat began to choke on seemingly nothing. His pelt began to ooze in sweat and blood that began leaking out of him. He tightened his neck, his teeth, his eyes, anything that could help ignore the pain he was developing.

"Wha- what's happening- what's happening to me?!"

His whole body began to shake up, his paws feeling numb and his ankles forming cramps. His stomach began to feel squeamish.

"Wait... No... Not yet...wait... no... wait... WAIT!"

**I'm sweating through my veins. I'm trying to hold on. It's unbearable, it's almost worse for me. I'm gonna tear you apart and make you see. MAKE YOU SEE!**

What began hurting him the most, though, were his eyes. It felt like they were being yanked into his head. It only got worse as his eyes were forcefully rolling up into dislocation.

His screams ended up as quiet high pitched whimpers until he felt the tightening suddenly snap as he realized he could no longer see. His eyes became ripped out of the sockets.

"I can't fucking see! My fucking eyes! Fuck me dead!"

He instantly realized that he would never get to_ see _her ever again, if he finds her that is.

"But I can still love her. I can still fucking love her!"

**Watching- Bring me to my knees. Waiting- I am your disease. Lover- set my symptoms free. Covered- you won't feel a thing.**

He suddenly stopped choking which was then replaced by throwing up his own sickness. Only, it would never leave him.

"It's just a dream! It's just a nightmare! Wake up! Wake the fuck up!"

Yet, he knew all too well what this was. It was anything but a dream. And now, he can longer see her. He can no longer protect her. Like he promised the moment he first saw her. This thing. This sickness inside of him had destroyed everything.

**It's almost time to play. It's time to be afraid. I can't control the pain. I can't control in vain. Oh God I'm ready now. You're almost ready now. I'm gonna love you now. I'm gonna break you down.**

"You've killed me. I'm done. I'm fucking done."

He let himself collapse to the floor, feeling the blood from his pelt make it's way around his face.

**This is the virus. THE VIRUS OF LIFE. This is inside us. The crisis, the knife. This is the virus. The virus of life. This is inside us. The crisis, the knife.**

It was there that he realized he had two choices. He could wallow up in his own blood and die, or he could get up and find her. He needed to tell her how much she means to him. He needed to tell her everything was okay. Everything's going to be okay. She was safe.

**I see you in the dark. I see you all the way. I see you in the light. I see you plain as day. I wanna touch your face. I wanna touch your soul. I wanna wear your face. I wanna burn your soul!**

She was still shaken up from what she had been hearing from inside a cave she had found on the mountain's side. She knew that it was Diego. She just couldn't believe the screams he was making. She had never heard anything more disturbing or agonizing in her whole life.

How painful it sounded. She almost wanted to go back and find him. She was so close to doing it. The unstoppable tears that flowed down her face for an hour proved to be that breaking point. She needed to find him. She needed to find some way to rid him from this disease.

_'I've seen what this disease does. This disease... No one knew where it came from, how it started, how to cure it. Stories suggest that it allows creatures to see everything. Know everything. They go insane because of it. Often times, victims become aggressive. Soon after, the virus spreads through out the entire body, decomposing it on the inside, and many other unusual and disturbing side effects. It ends with the victim ripping there own body open in desperation of stopping the pain.'_

She could only guess that this was happening to Diego right now. She needed to get to him before the final phase of the virus. Or else he will die.

_'But, what if he still wants to hurt me?'_

**"I'm not going to hurt you, I promise. I'm not going to hurt you."**

The first words he ever said to her. She had to trust them. Even if he had no control over himself. She had to try. She had to.

_'Or else, they'll all find me. '_

Her final thought before she darted out of the cave.


	8. Disgustipated

Disgustipated

_**This is necessary. This is necessary. This is necessary.**_

_**Life feeds on life feeds on life feeds on life...**_

"I can't- I can't take this anymore."

His fever only grew higher and higher, corrupting a vast majority of his system. His head was pulsing. His forehead dripped of sweat. His throat was aching beyond contempt. His chest felt pressured, causing him difficult breathing. The inside of his mouth was bone dry.

_This feeling is like a pulse..._

As if it seemed as though matters were only getting worse, so suddenly, he saw a bright shine of light. The blackness that enveloped everything he couldn't see. It began to fade out. Slowly, he could sense it. His vision was coming back.

_'I... I can... see?'_

He noticed the skies above him with the forest's trees blocking off most of it. The sun's light broke through, and shined down on him. He had to close his eyes for a few seconds, needing to adjust to the sights that he was once again blessed to see.

For the first time, in a long time, he smiled. He almost couldn't feel happier. Even though this pain inside him was nearly killing him. His thoughts instantly turned to her.

_'I can see her again.'_

But that happiness only lasted a few moments as he felt a jolt of pain spike his chest area. The sweat continued to ooze out of him. His head was becoming tighter and tighter of strain. His very mind and thoughts began to shift as well as he couldn't control himself before he took his claws and sunk them into his membrane.

"Fuck everything!" He yelled out as he ripped his claws out, feeling the ripping of his flesh tear off as he was left with gaping holes in his head. He immediately followed suit by injecting his claws into his chest. The physical pain he was receiving was no where near as bad as the sickness inside of him.

Almost as instantly, he thought about her. When he did this, he felt as though every surrounding sound around him and inside of him had disappeared. Even his pain seemed to have died down. Right there, he knew that thinking of her was the absolute best thing he could do.

He slowly ejected his claws out of his chest, wanting to keep his critical condition to a minimum.

He pictured her body. He pictured her face, her eyes, the earrings on her right ear. He thought of everything about her. Her voice. Her laugh. Her scent. Her breath. He thought of the way she would cuddle up into him during that one night.

_'The only night...'_

He felt his heart racing, and for once, it wasn't because of the pain inside of him.

He recalled the events of that first night he met her. It was during those hours that for once, he felt invincible. Nothing could hurt him. She kept him safe. He kept her safe.

He thought about that night where she so badly wanted to fuck him. How he couldn't possibly say_ "No"._ He thought about how she'd look up at him with her perfect, beautiful eyes as she'd go up and down on his shaft. All the sights he was privileged to see. Ones that he never thought he'd ever see.

It amazed him how quickly his pain was dying down as he was finally able to breathe like a normal living creature. He savored the breaths he took, the gust of wind that flew through him, and the sights his eyes gave him.

It almost seemed like these feeling he had at that moment couldn't possibly get any better. Truth was, they couldn't. That was, until she appeared.

"Diego?" He heard her voice for the first time in what seemed like a decade.

"Diego! Thank fucking god you're all right!"

_ 'Why does she seem so... forgiving?' _

He was a bit confused because of the event that took place the last time he saw her.

He didn't say anything. All he did was turn his head to look at her. He almost wanted to smile, but for some reason, he refrained himself from doing so. His mind was in such a great place at the moment, with his sickness dying down and all.

_'But what if it comes back?'_

He felt so relaxed and so calm as he sensed her lay down behind him and felt her place her paw on his forehead. She then began to gently scratch behind his ears, making him feel even better than he already was.

It was at that point that he felt the first few drops of rain hit his face. Just then did he lean his eyes towards her who was looking back down at him with the smallest of smiles existing on her face.

He only gave a bigger smile in return as he reached his paw up and slowly ran it across her cheek.

"Shira- I... that wasn't- I mean... I didn't-

Before he could continue, or at least try to, he quickly felt her paw cover his mouth.

"It's okay, Diego. I know you didn't mean to hurt me."

His heart was pounding so fast at that moment from hearing her say these words.

"You know that... I would never do anything to hurt you. I wanted to make you feel safe, Shira. But... I didn't. There's... something... very... wrong with me."

"It's not your fault, Diego. None of it was."

Diego had a strange feeling that she knew what was going on. She knew what was wrong with him.

"Shira..."

As he began, she lied down beside him and started stroking his stomach.

"Do you... know what's wrong with me?"

She only placed her paw against the side of his face as he said this. It was there that she realized how badly he was suffering as she noticed the holes of flesh torn out of his skull and chest.

_'He was about to... he was actually going to...' _Now she was all but positive that that's what this was.

"Nothing, Diego. There's nothing wrong with you." She really didn't want Diego to know what it was that was happening to him. She didn't need him freaking out any more than he already has. She also didn't want to tell him because she knew that no one has escaped free from this virus. It was killing her on the inside as she realized what was to become of him as time went on.

_'But, he doesn't seem to be in pain anymore. Why is that? How is that possible?'_

"Shira... There's no fucking way I'll ever believe that there _isn't _something wrong with me."

"I'm sorry, Diego. It's just that... I just... I just can't say it." She bawled in between every word as she crawled onto him and buried her face in his chest.

All he could was throw his arms around her and pull her in closer as the rain began to get more violent.

"We need to get out of the rain." She told him as she looked up at him. Once she did that, Diego became completely attached to her eyes. He almost forgot how amazing they were.

His heart started pounding even faster and he started purring louder than he ever has before.

She only smiled at the sound and feel of his purring.

"I'm sorry, but you're just so fucking beautiful." Never before had words felt so good to say.

She seemed as though she was about to say something, but decided against it as she only stretched her smile farther. Soon after, she dove in and connected her lips with his.

He could once again sense her lust and wanting, knowing that once they find a cave, she was going to fuck him.

_'Again.'_

She didn't want the worries of his condition to interfere with what she was feeling at the moment. It was almost as if there was a ticking time bomb on Diego, and all she could do was make sure his last moments were his best.

"I promise Diego, I'm always going to take good care of you." She said, followed by a big wet lick up his neck.

Both sabers got up and started heading back to where they first met.

She only leaned farther into Diego as they both continued to walk through the rainy wilderness.

_'He needs to know. He deserves to know.'_

_ "_I'll never hurt you again, Shira. I promise." He suddenly spoke up as he kissed her on the neck.

_'Diego...'_

A few more minutes passed until they found themselves once again at the heart of their love.

Both enter the cave. Diego turned around to face Shira, almost about to say something until she so suddenly pounced on him, forcing him to the ground.

Just as quickly, she lined herself on top of him and proceeded to continuously kiss his neck right under his chin.

"I love you so fucking much." She breathed in between every kiss she gave him.

Though she seemed to be completely getting into what she was doing, Diego couldn't help but notice the small amount of tears that were resting under her eyes.

_'She seems like she's hesitating on something.'_

"Shira..." He began, but not before giving her a lengthy greet with her lips.

"Is there... something you're not telling me?" He asked as he scratched behind her ears, getting her to smile and purr.

"If there is, then it can wait." Her lustful side took over those words.

"Please, Shira. I'm... so fucking scared." He finished, burying his head under her chin.

Shira couldn't take his sadness anymore. She breathed deeply and almost hesitated what she was going to say.

"I didn't want to tell you this before, but... you deserve to know." She felt him start to rub his paw against her shoulder.

"You've been... infected..." She continued, almost wanting to stop there as she saw the worry in his eyes grow stronger and stronger, "By a virus..." She didn't want to say anything more than that, though she knew that he was going to want her to explain more.

_'How could he not?'_

"A virus? What are you- what are you talking about?" He asked more nervously than she's ever seen him before.

"It's... been spreading around the island. No one knows where it came from. No one knows how it happens. No one knows... how to... cure it" She nearly refrained from looking at him as she got off of him and sat down beside him.

Just then, Diego began to hyperventilate. He kept his head lowered as he struggled to swallow.

"Fuck me... Fuck me dead." He couldn't help but let the sadness drop out of his eyes and onto the cavern floor.

"Diego, look at me."

"How can I not?" He said as he turned his head towards her.

His sense of humor threw her off at first, but she still couldn't help but giggle because of it. If only for a second.

"Diego, those marks on your chest... that was... the virus. That's what it does. It brings so much pain to the victim that all they can do is... kill themselves."

"What are you-

"And knowing that you were just about to... I just... I can't even-

So suddenly, she stopped and took a deep breath. She needed to remind herself that she was suppose to _prevent _Diego from freaking the fuck out.

"Diego, would you believe me if I told you that everything was going to be okay?"

He couldn't think of what to say back. How could that be answered? For all he knew, he was as good as dead.

"I don't know, Shira... I just... I just don't know anymore."

He only leaned into her and cried more so than before.

"Do you_ know_ if you love me?" She couldn't help but ask.

Diego slowly had the crying die down as he was left looking back at her.

"You wanna find out?" His sudden smile and change of heart also threw her off. She could see that he really didn't want to worry about all of this. She's seen what he's been through. She's heard what his past was like. She could only assume that his mind couldn't physically take in any more pain than it already had.

"Ya, let's find out." She whispered so seductively. She just wanted to take Diego's mind off of everything, and this was the only way she knew how.

That night consisted of the two sabers showing their love for each other. He couldn't help but love the feeling of her mouth engulfing his shaft and the sight of her eyes staring back at his. She didn't, for a second, break eye contact with him as she worked more roughly.

_'I want to show her how much I fucking love her. I want to show her so much.' _

The adrenaline had built itself inside him as he grabbed her shoulders and pulled her to his side. Both sabers were on their sides as Shira spread her legs out, seemingly begging for his love. There wasn't a single strand of hesitation inside Diego as he lunged himself forward and into her. The rhythm that his body was moving in was identical to the gasps and moans that she was letting out.

Diego placed both of his paws on each side of her face as he continued working himself into her. He leaned his forehead against hers, wanting his eyes to be as close to hers as possible, never wanting to look away from them.

The smell of her breath only pushed his effort more so into what he was doing. He didn't stop himself from diving his lips against hers, yet neither of them looked away from the other. He only had to pull away when he needed to breathe from the work he was committing to.

"You're so fucking good, Diego."

Diego had already figured that he was giving her all the pleasure he could provide. Yet, after hearing her say that, he thought otherwise.

To Diego, that night proved to be even better than the first night with her. Just knowing that this time around, he was doing this purely out of love rather than just his own sexual desires really showed him how much more important and serious this really was.

As the night brought them to sleep, the two sabers couldn't possibly think of any way their lives could be better at that moment, especially for Diego, as he drifted off into sleep with her warmth in his arms. As his dreams became of essence, he could only see blackness along with the repeating words that echoed.

_**This... is... necessary. This... is... necessary. Life feeds on life... Feeds on life... Feeds on life.**_

It made him feel... disgustipated.


	9. Iowa

Iowa

_**Relax... it's over**_

_**You belong to me**_

_**I fill your mouth with dirt**_

_**Relax... it's over**_

_**You can never leave**_

_**I take your second digit with me... love...**_

_ 'Her body... It's so limp... so... relaxed.'_

He started playing with her figure, much like the first night with her when she was still sound asleep. He loved the feeling of power and control. The more he got, the better he felt. This wasn't just some sick fetish or fantasy. This was all too real. He wanted her to be his.

Diego had woken up in the middle of the night, with a mind set unlike any he's ever had before. He almost didn't believe that he was controlling his actions. For what he did. To her.

But he accepted what he had become. It was never this _'virus'_ that controlled his thoughts and actions. He knew damn well that he was just fucked up that way. He had always been in control. He chose to be like this.

'_I've always been in control. All those painful memories. They weren't real. It was all in my head. I know I don't have this virus that she said I had.'_

He had these thoughts as he continued to drag her unconscious body through the forest. Earlier, he had smashed a few lotus berries in his paw and used them to keep her knocked out as he placed his paw over her face. He could only hope that she was knocked out rather than just asleep as he leaned down to kiss her on the forehead.

_'I promise, Shira. You will live forever.'_

He took her deeper and deeper into the forest. The trees around him became seemingly more dead. The air started to fill with fog as he started to find it hard to see. Ignoring everything, he continued to drag her body through.

Finally, he finds a boulder with a rather flat surface on top. It was just ankle high, almost like a table. He pulls her up onto it and lies her down on her back. He knew that the lotus berries would wear off at any second, so he quickly snagged some vines from the nearby dead trees. He then began to wrap individual vines around all four of her limbs He then took them all to separate nearby trees to wrap the ends around. Finally, he takes a smaller piece of vine and tied it around her mouth.

_'I don't want her to say anything. She doesn't need to.'_

He felt exhausted when he was done. When he knew what had to be done.

_**You are my first. I can barely breathe. I find you fascinating. You are my favorite. Lay you down to sleep. It's all that I can do to stop... love...**_

He started noticing that her limbs were moving. Her body was coming back to life as it made movement. He almost wished that she'd stay asleep forever. But he knew that this had to be done this way.

He knelt down, aligning her face with his, as she slowly opened her eyes. He started stroking the side of her face, seeing how she was still a bit drowsy from being knocked out. All she did was look at him. She kept staring at him as she was still mostly asleep.

_'Soon, you'll be awake. And then you'll understand.'_

He moved on to scratching behind her ears along with clanging her two earrings together. She started looking around her until she lowered her eyes to her mouth, seeing how it was tied shut.

Very quickly, she began to fit the pieces together. She started to breath heavily as she began pulling on the vines that were attached to each of her limbs. They were incredibly strong and not made to break easily. Even the one around her mouth proved to be so as she attempted to bite through it.

She soon turned her head over to Diego, while he could do nothing but look into her eyes, without a strand of expression on his face.

She tried to speak. She tried to plead for him to stop this. Nothing worked as Diego walked behind her and leaned his face right above her's. He only reached a paw around to wipe the tears that had just now formed in her eyes. He could tell how scared she was, seeing her limbs shaking like crazy.

He then lowered his head to kiss her lips, even though her mouth was tied together.

He didn't say anything. He never said another word as he walked around her other side, running his paw across her stomach as he made his way further down the boulder that she was placed upon, feeling her heart beat almost as fast as his had when he hallucinated that sickness.

He got on top of her and had his claw run across her neck gently. He noticed how her teeth were chattering together.

"You don't need to be afraid." He finally spoke, only sensing a shiver run down her spine.

"Shira..." He quietly whispered as he rested himself on top of her. He kept repeating her name over and over, silently laughing ominously. He ran his tongue along her neck and stroked both of her shoulders.

He closed his eyes, smiled and quietly whimpered. All the while, she did nothing but cry. She didn't try to escape free. She just cried miserably. Seeing her in this state of helplessness really turned Diego on. He could hardly breath from the love he felt inside of him.

_'This... this is what love is.'_

_**So blue. So broken. Paper doll decay. I haven't left you yet. So cold. Subversive. You're eyes are full of bleach. Tomorrow I will go away again... love...**_

Very slowly, he inserted his shaft into her. She wasn't able to close her legs with them being tied up and all.

He viciously kept ramming himself into her, getting her to cry out in pain.

"You are the only one that I would rather see before me." He whispered into her ear as he started nibbling on it.

"You... want this. You need this." He said out of anger as he suddenly grabbed her by the throat, and clamped his grip as hard as he could. He wanted to see her suffer. He wanted to see her pain. It satisfied him beyond contempt. He saw her roll her eyes upwards. He saw her face turn red. He could feel her difficulty to breath. He could hear her screaming at him to stop, which he was going to. He just wanted to make her suffer. After another ten seconds, he quickly released his grip, loving the sound of her gasping for air.

_'This is my obsession.'_

He noticed the marks from his grip that were embedded into her neck. He couldn't help but lower his head and run his tongue across her now bloodied neck.

_'I want to slit your throat and fuck the wound.'_

At this point, he felt as though he was ready. Yet, he wanted to play with her for a little while longer. He got back to lunging himself into her, loving the sound of her grunts and moans. Only, they weren't out of lust this time around.

"Shira... There's no escaping this. You've been running for a long time. Now... It's time to relax. Just close your eyes... and relax."

What happened next amazed Diego. She actually listened. Her breathing softened up. Her tears had dried out. She did nothing except look into his eyes. She had a look that was saying she had given up. Diego could only smile in response as he knew that she could finally feel what he feels.

_"Please make this stop. Please."_

_ "I want you to... fuck me."_

_ "Please don't stop. That's perfect, Diego."_

_ "Amazing. That was amazing."_

_ "Was everything... last night... was it too much?"_

Diego began to hear voices inside his head. Things that he had heard before all of this.

_"What are you doing?"_

_"You can't do that."_

Even from his dreams, he heard those same words.

_"But, you're not here... __**not anymore**__."_

_ 'No... I'm not here anymore. She's not here anymore.'_

What he was feeling at that moment could not be classified as feelings. There was either something that he didn't need, or something that he didn't have. Either way, it wouldn't make a difference. Not anymore. Not for her. It's true what they say. The grass is always greener. And you don't really know what it is you have... until it's gone.

_'Gone...'_

The claws slashed at her neck, leaving a deep, long cut slit across her throat, the blood pouring out. She struggled for air.

Diego cut the vine off her mouth, letting her say her last words.

_**You are mine! You will always be mine! I can tear you apart! I can recombine you! All I want is to covet you all! You belong to me!**_

"I WILL KILL YOU TO LOVE YOU!"

She fearfully looked into his eyes. His soulless, lifeless orbs. Her mouth trembled uncontrollably.

"I'll... always... love..."

Before she could finish, her neck went limp as her head tilted to the surface below her.

Diego didn't smile. He sure as fuck didn't cry. He showed no signs of remorse or regret. He wanted to believe that this was for the better.

_'I chose to do this. I was in control. I just can't continue on like this. She can't continue on like this.'_

"You will live forever..." He couldn't help but laugh maniacally with a booming echo spreading throughout the forest. He felt his voice crack.

Soon after, he continued to thrust himself into the corpse below him, loving the feel of her lifeless body. That feeling of power and control once again flowed through Diego.

"I told you..." He leaned down to her face, seeing her eyes stare blankly into his.

"I fucking told you."

_**I told you. I told you. I fucking told you. Told you. Fucking told you...**_

"You will live forever."

He took a deep breath before placing his claws on her chest, and began carving out the words "IOWA".

Once it was done, he took his claws, admiring how they were covered in her blood, and lined them with his throat.

"You will live forever."

His last words before he collapsed on top of her. Dead.

It was done.

_**Y**__**ou will live forever.**_

__.em ta kool t'noD

_** THE END**_


End file.
